the best advice i received in 2018

My 9-year-old son recently told me the reason he ‘loves’ to play video games is that they help him to NOT feel what he is feeling inside. He found a way, like so many of us do, to distract himself from NOT feeling what is uncomfortable.

I sat quietly in meditation class several months ago trying my best to keep this wave of emotion I was feeling from drowning everyone else in the room…but I couldn’t contain it and I started to cry…ALOT…and I was embarrassed. We were talking about impermanence, a topic so rarely discussed or examined when I was growing up (or in general) and coincidentally something I was, and currently still am, attending to with a loved one. And my teacher said these words that have since held my hand through many highs and lows.

‘We don’t practice (yoga, meditation, mindfulness) to escape feeling the pain of how difficult life can be,  we practice so WE CAN sit in the middle of it all, the sorrow, the grief, the heartbreak, the joy and the beauty that IS life and know we can hold it and allow it to move through us‘.

and…(from another friend and mentor)

‘Knowing our own capacity to hold the pain and discomfort that life can sometimes bear IS ALSO a mindful practice. A mindful distraction is not the same as numbing ourselves‘.

Of course we all want to be happy and raise happy kids but its also okay not to be happy all the time. Numbing ourselves so we don’t feel or chasing this insatiable pursuit of happiness is a habit that in the end causes us and those around us more pain and suffering.  Sitting with pain, discomfort, anger, grief etc… is REALLY HARD and that is why we need to find the people, community, resources, therapists, medication, treatment etc…that can help us better manage our feelings and emotions so that they can move and transform through us rather than getting stuck and solidifying in us.
Life is messy AND we need each other.